To Dib
by The Illustrious Crackpot
Summary: Zim takes all his feelings for Dib, humans and Earth in general, smushes them together and comes up with a poem.


**To Dib**

(personally witnessed by The Illustrious Crackpot)

"..._And fairies and elves will all frolic about_

_When my father will clean out the bathroom grout!_"

A child finished reciting. Taking a bow, she danced back to her seat in the Skoolroom and sat with a flourish. Ms. Bitters, sitting at her desk, ground her teeth irritably.

"That was revolting," she growled, her eye twitching a little behind her glasses. With a sharp glare, Ms. Bitters instilled fear in the rest of the class. "Who _else_ wants to share a _'special poem'_ for Poetry Day?" she hissed menacingly, curling her fingers like claws.

To the class's surprise, a hand shot up in the front row. "I, _Ziiiiiiim_, shall read the amazing poem of awesomeness!!!" the alien proclaimed, jumping out of his seat so fast his wig almost slipped off. He leered at the children as he walked to the front of the room with a sheet of paper. Ms. Bitters uttered a noncommittal groan.

"Very well, Zim," she allowed scathingly, continuing to glare at him. Zim appeared not to notice, as he simply puffed out his chest self-importantly and shuffled his paper.

"Before I begin," Zim announced, reveling in the spotlight, "I would like to dedicate this poem to my...my Earthen..." He paused, searching for the correct word, then exploded out with the rest of his thought. "TO MY EARTHEN NEMESIS OF FILTH, DIB!"

Dib's head jerked up from his desk. "Wha—" he began, but Zim interrupted him.

"SILENCE!!!!!!!" the alien bellowed, then cleared his throat and began to read.

"_To Dib the piece of human sludge_

_Whose huge head I squirm to see:_

_I wish you'd boil in melting fudge_

_Which I might eat for FREE._"

He grinned maliciously at this thought as he went on.

"_You're an awful, filthy child of dirt_

_And though I am quite nor-MALL,_

_Were I an invader from planet Irk_

_I'D CRUSH YOU AND EARTH AND—PAUL!!!!!!!_"

A boy named Paul sitting in the front whimpered. Zim ignored him and continued reciting, his voice growing progressively louder as he went.

"_You, Dib, I'd crush beneath my feet_

_For you WOULD have ticked me off._

_I'd smack you with a smelly beet_

_And give you a DAAAAAAMP washcloth._

_The Irken Armada, I'm proud to say,_

_Shall destroy your puny guts._

_I can contact them within ONE DAY!!!!_

_And they'll turn you into PUTZ!_

_The Earth I'll rule with my SQUEEDILY SPOOCH_

_And you, Dib, shall bow to MEEEEEEE!!!!!!_

_When you're not being dumped in acid GOOCH_

_And losing a limb or THREE!_"

Zim's voice continued to become even louder and more forceful as he kept on reading, and flames seemed to leap into existence behind him. Almost everyone in the room was cowering in fear, with the exception of Ms. Bitters. Dib shuddered, wondering what on—or off—Earth "Gooch" was.

"_AND THIS PLANET SHALL FALL TO THE RULE OF IRK_

_WITH NONE WHO CAN ESCAPE!_

_HUMAN LIFE SHALL END, YOU JERK,_

_ANYBODY GOT A PIECE OF TAPE?!?!?_"

Zim looked up sharply, hissing ferally at the children. There was a universal gasp, and everyone immediately reached into their backpacks to try and find some tape. Shaking, a boy finally surrendered his roll to Zim, who took it, removed a piece, and glared until the boy ran back to his seat. In an almost completely inexplicable action, Zim walked over to Dib with the piece of tape, stuck a piece to Dib's forehead and then ripped it off. Dib yelped in surprise and pain, making Zim cackle evilly before resuming his poem.

"_And so you see, worm-child Dib,_

_There's NOTHING you can do!!_

_With AMAAAAAAZING skills and a lobster bib_

_I'll crack this world in TWO!!!!_

_I'M THE GREATEST INVADER THERE EVER WAS_

_IT IS BECAUSE I'M **ZIIIIIIIIIIIIIIM!!!!!**_

_YOU'LL ALL BE NAUGHT BUT EARTHLING **PUS**_

_WHEN THE BIOSCAN BRINGS YOU IN!!!!!_"

There was a sudden awkward silence as Zim suddenly realized that he had jumped onto Ms. Bitters's desk. He coughed hesitantly and climbed down, self-consciously readjusting his wig as he finished in a slightly calmer voice.

"_And so, my Dib, now you can see_

_The extent of my GENIUS powers._

_I'm the most incredible being there could ever be._"

Zim looked up from his paper and smiled pleasantly at the human boy.

"_Have a nice next twenty-four hours._"

Affecting normality, Zim walked casually back to his desk and sat down. He grinned radiantly at anyone still staring at him before eating the piece of paper.

Ms. Bitters stood up from her seat, her long black shroud swishing as she did so. "Thank you, Zim," she said, wiping away a tear, "that was the most touching poem I've ever heard. You get an A for the rest of the year."

Dib grumbled and gritted his teeth, wishing he had a rhyming dictionary.

**::Message Truncated::**


End file.
